Restless...

Sleepless as a mind overflowing with too many thoughts to compress into a doze... I'm fighting to keep my eyes open, but my mind won't grant me the liberty of white noise enough to slip into rest. This has been a long week. So much has happened and I frankly haven't allowed myself the blessedness of sorting it all out... instead... I seem to have made great efforts at marathon mental junk-collecting...

I'm so relieved that it is the weekend. Don't get me wrong, I'm not even in a dismal mood, just extremely way-laden from all the changes in my circumstances lately... I'm one that usually prefers to anticipate change, and not be snuck up on by it from behind... Not everything was of a bad introduction this week, en contrare', I had a great week. I enjoyed it quite thoroughly. But I believe I'm suffering a deep mental burn-out not necessarily due to my current situation, but the repercussions and left-overs of the last year. Things I am realizing I still need to sift through and clear out of the crammed corners of my mind.

There is a Melody Gardot song that touches on that very last sentiment of mine. Wonder of wonders it's actually called "Deep within the Corners of my Mind" haha

Such a good song, from such an emotionally tactile singer.
 I know sleep will come...

I'm praying the same prayer I always do. The one I've prayed as long as I can remember... I feel the answer is close... my wait for this answer is almost over... I feel it.

Even if it is only to realize the answer is I will wait forever.
To be satisfied with what I have and know. I yearn for it.

+ thinking

A positive attitude.

Such a small decision to make.
Though at times deciding to do so is like fighting a war...

Yet, it can speak volumes about how we handle life.

AND... it can move the mountains of negativity aside when nothing else can.


There is a reason it is so sought after. It changes lives, and I've seen it do it's work in mine.

Daniel - A man worth knowing.

Erase. Edit. Erase some more.

I've restarted this blog in my mind countless times today, and literally restarted here a good many as well. It pretty-much comes down to four words:

Today I am sad.

Driving home from Chattanooga last night it was dark and I found myself turning off the radio as I drove up the mountain. It was a nice kind of darkness enveloping me as I was the only car winding up those narrow roads past Rock City, past Fairyland and past Lula Lake Falls. Once past the falls I found myself mounting a gentle hill, while ahead stretched a long straight path of concrete. The nighttime darkness was so lovely that I opened my sunroof to better notice the stars and... the moon, waxing to it's full glorious reflection of the sun.

I simply had to turn off my car lights. I probably only drove like this for 10 seconds. (trust me it was a long ten seconds) But it was thrilling to move that quickly while basking in moonlight alone.

Despite what some would call a 10 second moment of stupidity, I made it home safely... only to see a post one friend placed on Facebook that wrenched my heart into sadness. It read:

"So blessed to have known Daniel-a man who lived a life of strength, passion, and fearlessness."

I immediately felt numb as I realized what those words meant, and tears came welling to my eyes as they are at this moment. The Harper family has lost a son, a brother and a husband. Daniel was a true reflection of Christ. I never knew him to have a rocky, down-trodden disposition. Instead, his life was about joy and loving those around him: living life with all he had in him. He seemed to truly exemplify the verse "what so ever thy hand findeth to do, do it with all thy might (Ecclesiastes 9:10)." And through his blogs about his fight with brain cancer, I was privileged to get to know Daniel as a man who loved God, loved living for God, loved sharing God, and loved loving his wife and his family.

I was privileged to attend high school with Daniel and his wife Logan, as well as both of his brothers. Let me tell you, it is rare to find an entire family like the Harpers who truly live to reflect Christ. I am confidant that Christ is coming back soon, and when He does, I know He will welcome Daniel into his arms as he calls him from his sleep.
So, to Dr. and Mrs. Harper, Melissa, Jeff, Jonathan and Logan, know that you are each prayed for as your hearts endure the pain of saying goodbye to Daniel. And may God in his grace and goodness surround each of you with his presence at this time.

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them and be their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.'"
Revelation 21:1-4

Photo of Daniel and Logan, from Daniel's Facebook

If you did not know Daniel, you still have a chance to get to know what he was about. Read his blog posts that he wrote during his battle with cancer here: http://precisionpoints.wordpress.com/about/

Daniel had a dream of reaching out to the kids on the board slopes around Salt Lake City. To make this possible, his wife Logan is asking that instead of flowers, please send donations to the Wasatch Hills SDA Church and put "Daniel Harper Creative Outreach Ministries" on the memo line. The address for the church is: 2139 Foothill Drive, Salt Lake City, NV 84109

Let's make Daniel's dream a reality.

sunsets and happily-ever-afters...

Weddings, reunions, tired feet, genuine smiles, sunsets and happily-ever-afters...

This was all a part of my weekend. I'm really too tired to even type at the moment (much-less comprise coherent sentences...), but I just felt like writing down how stunning the sunset was on my way back home from my weekend this evening. As I let the volume of Brooke Fraser's vocals soar in my car, every cloud mounted upon wispy opaque colors of golds and amber-reds. Streaks of the sun smeared across the sky like deep breaths acquiescing to freedom... I love driving HOME. It always takes "less" time than driving to somewhere. But when that somewhere is your home, the road is more like a friend, showing you where to fly over the land to a place where you can prop your feet after a long day.

On the flip-side and more realistic note, my camera died and I got no photos of my dear friends' wedding, of which I was a bridesmaid. Probably the most epic fail I've had as a photographer... (beeeeep!) (but, I wasn't on the job so it is what it is.. I suppose)

Edit your... mouth?

Edit.
Editing.
Edited.

photos. papers. sentences. videos. thoughts. words.

Sometimes I think if people would edit things more.. life would be...

better?

But then again, we would be more like a bunch of Barbies and Kens and a lot less like PEOPLE.

For now, I will stick to editing my photos.

Getting ahead to fall behind... I hope NOT!

I'm attempting to get ahead in my Campus Ministries job as Media/Marketing director... the plan is to do thus, that way, perhaps I shan't be so overwhelmed as last year when I try to visually kick off the year in August.

That being disclosed, this little diddy I just dreamed up is not finished as I expect I will be changing wording as well as dates when it comes down to it, but...

at least it's a start!

Well... will I?

Sometimes I just can't stop thinking. There is a legend that men have the ability to sometimes just sit and think about nothing: like, they have these moments when the women in their lives ask them "whatcha think'n about right now hon?" and they answer, "Nothing." AND THEY MEAN IT! But you see, women apparently don't understand that.

I for one have NEVER had a moment in my life when I was not thinking about something.

Yes, there are plenty of times when there is more quiet in my brain than craziness... But, there are also times like yesterday and today... or I should say since last night as I lay in bed tossing from the ceaseless pounding of my thoughts, and this morning... my mind racing over the many possibilities of failure or success that lay before me.

I think I just need to go running. Pound out the thoughts on the pavement. That usually helps... for a bit. So hopefully that and a combo of journaling and prayer should do the trick. God has seen me through so much stuff. I know it's true when they say we spend over half our time in life worrying over stuff that NEVER happens. I've gotta just surrender these thoughts over to Him. Even if that means doing it a thousand and TEN times today.

I'm just tired of my mind being a hamster on the wheel.

Ps: if a man ever says that to me, I hope not to prob him for his "actual" thoughts to the point where he has to make something up to satisfy my oblique curiosity. Instead, I aim to pat him on the back and congratulate him for something I'm simply unable to do.

Sweet Lavender-Mint Iced Tea

I was craving something deliciously refreshing yesterday evening and decided this would hit the spot. Summertime heat calls for a lightly sweet cup of this loveliness, perfect for any evening lawn party. So I wrote my recipe below for you:

Sweet Lavender-Mint Iced Tea

Ingredients
8 Cups of boiling water
Scant 1/2 cup of dried lavender buds
1/4 cup of dried or fresh mint leaves
1 cup of turbinado sugar

Directions
1. Place lavender and mint in a large sauce pan
2. Pour the boiling water over the herbs and cover pan with lid, letting them steep 5 to 10 minutes, depending on desired strength of tea.
3. After tea has steeped, stir in the sugar until the crystals have melted into the liquid.
4. Strain the tea with a fine wire strainer and set tea into the refrigerator to chill. Makes 1 gallon.

This tea looks lovely in little glass pitchers and can be garnished with thin slices of fresh lemon or fresh mint & lavender sprigs. Serve over ice with your favorite summer evening snack.

Enjoy these photos below by clicking the image to zoom:

Some fun summer snaps

Just a few snapshots taken yesterday evening while out on the lawn. Being in the country is certainly not over-rated.

A little something for YOU

Ok. So I'm always on the lookout for you guys for new unique finds. Let me tell ya, this time I scored big.

I'm a sucker for unique furniture and while reading the new issue of Rue Magazine last night I stumbled across DEDON Collections. Amazing stuff. Someday I will have this lovely seat hanging in my favorite tree on the back lawn.

This one is called "Nestrest," and was designed by Daniel Pouzet and Fred Frety, two artist from Paris.

Tell me you do not ADORE this seating!

While in the Bahamas this last March I stumbled across this next piece and was thrilled to find it as part of their collection. It's called the "Orbit Loveseat." A must-have for me someday. If you love art, why shouldn't your furniture reflect that?

Check out their website at: http://www.dedon.de/en/collections/detail/collection/nestrest-171/hanging-lounger-1412/chalk-75.html

Amazing!

They're taking my wisdom TOMORROW!

This is the part of the story where I pay the tooth-fairy. Should've saved those coins from the early years, and perhaps I could've put some towards my wisdom teeth removal.

Yup. Reality check: This is finally happening.

In NINE hours.

Nervous... nah. PSSHHHHH! YES I AM! I HATE the idea of someone going in my mouth and stealing teeth that are not useful! I abhor the idea that I'm having surgery and that I'm being put to sleep!

So there. I said it: I'm frightened and not at all excited. And I'm thirsty right now and can't drink water before the surgery.

If there is anything worth-while that could come from this whole fiasco, then I hope that I'm completely ridiculous after being sedated and that my parents catch it on video. Then I can at least have something to laugh about... later...

Updates to proceed.

First comes love.. then comes the search for a photographer!

Sometimes I feel as though I will never get out of this perpetual cycle of extremely late nights. I'm such a sucker for avoiding my bed! I've blogged about this subject soo many times that I myself am sick of it. But, alas, if there is one thing I'm constantly trying to change about myself it is this!

I feel once more that I am on the verge of some grand beginning, and at the same time wondering if I will topple over into some deep crevice as I inch forward...

My circadian rhythm is all messed up. I was doing well, really, I was! Then I got sick, then we had graduation weekend for my brother, and didn't get back from GCA until THREE this morning... I decided against setting my alarm clock.. just to see what time I would wake... you know.. just for fun. I postulated that I would get up around 11am or noon at the latest..

On the contrary:

I found myself awake at 2pm.

So now I'm rushing to prepare for the weddings and other events that I am privileged to photograph starting in two weeks. Today I ordered a camera bag for my equipment, another SD card, and a battery grip. Wednesday I will be purchasing yet another lens. Boy o boy I hope to have a return on all these investments soon! Not to say that I am getting nothing when it's all said and done, but it just seems like the green stuff is slipping through my hands waaaay faster than I EVER allow.

All in the name of photography. All in the name of my passion. And all in the name of... well I have no clue.
I love taking photos and editing them and making people feel happier for holding those moments in their possession.

So if you need a photographer, contact me and I would be more than happy to photograph you. It would be my pleasure.

But for now, it is four o'clock in the morning and I have more engagement photos to edit when I wake up. And hopefully, just maybe I will be in bed before midnight tomorrow and work my way earlier from there. God has blessed me so far, I am confidant that He will continue as I do my best to improve.

Australia: I vote YES

Today was a crazy-long day, I ran so many errands that I felt like one of those people back in the day who owned a ranch and only went into town for stuff like flour and sugar. We live about a whole hour from town, and so it is a rather big hullabaloo when we do go. So today I drove in alone, but before I left I double-triple checked my list, because once out I knew there was no turning back. It's so strange not being in school where I was close to everything. Anyway, when I finally made it home, the house was empty and the dogs were out front. My parents were at prayer meeting, and I was certainly hungry, so I figured they'd be as well when they came home. So I decided to create a new sauce for pasta. Hit the spot. I'll definitely be making it again. Points for me for creating something new, and more points for me for having diner ready when my family returned home. (if only those points could be redeemed for something useful... like money ;)

To end this nonsense post, I must conclude by stating that I watched the movie "Australia" starring Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman for the first time this evening. Countless times I attempted to find someone else to watch it with me.. alas... to no avail. So I finally decided to have a go of it by myself.

It is now on my movie favorites list. It's long, but it's good. Also, please note that I've now decided that being whisked away by a strong, manly Aussie isn't a half-bad idea.

Times-a-tick'n

And I guarantee I'll have dinner ready when he drops by ;)

So what's the consensus?
Australia: I vote yes
Hugh Jackman: I vote YES

and THEN the little bird BURST forth from the WAVES...

Once upon a time,
there was a girl who did not write for a very long time. She became very busy and though she had a special yearning to touch the small black keys to click out the words rolling in her head... she could not form the small black dots into lines because of the jumble getting in the way.

Finally. I'm writing again! I really do feel as though I were a little bird caught under heavy waves, but I've burst forth again.

Big.
Sigh.
Of.
RELIEF.

Photography and thoughts of photography, unpacking and organizing from my recent move, concept sketches for other projects, editing the mountain of photos I have yet to make a dent in, redesigning my photo blog and my business cards... all of this STUFFFFFFF.
and to top it off I battled a fierce cold for a week!

Thought I was on holiday.
My mistake!
But it has been Ohhhh so lovely being home. So many things that have been on hold, creativity that had been put on the shelf is now being dusted off. I now have a finalized photography logo, I plan on sending my business cards to print tonight, and I've written my contracts. One would think I should be stressed about this, however, I must admit that I have been enjoying every minute of it! I feel that even if photography is not my life's calling God has still placed me in it for a season. And if I digress from all this fantastic forward motion, it shall never cease to be a passion and most beloved hobby.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy these photos I recently took.
Happy Summer!



More to come!

"And God saw that it was good"

As I am wrapping up for the night, I'm sitting here at my kitchen table looking at the paintings on my walls I've done this year and looking at the PDFs of all the graphic design projects from this semester, glancing through some of the photo-shoots I've taken... And I was just thinking about all that creative energy... all the ideas that've somehow managed to tumble from my brain and out my fingertips this year...

truly they were all a gift from God...

I'll be honest, it just hit me that sometimes I put off turning in projects simply because I am not ready to part with the little pieces of me that seem to go with them... I don't mean this in a sad way... I mean to write this to make a point in a moment... bear with me: If any of you have ever spent any considerable amount of time on a project, it doesn't have to have been a creative project... but if you've dedicated your mental capacities and your time to something, perhaps you too have experienced not only the feeling of relief from being done, but especially the fulfillment that comes from stepping back and being able to say, "It is good." And yet, at the same time a hesitance to part with it...

I have never had any children, nor do I plan to anytime soon, but for those of you who have, I can only imagine the bond you feel towards your child. It came from YOU. You gave a part of your life, 9 entire months dedicated to this beautiful creation that is a part of you.

Now, imagine with me, the devastation and the heart-ache God felt when he had dedicated his time and creativity to making a beautiful creation that He was able to stand back and say, "It is good," and to not long after have to part with it: this creation that reflected who He is, and that came from his hands, that breathed the breath HE GAVE it.

When I turn my projects in, I am hesitant, but I inevitably turn them in KNOWING that I will receive them back into my hands once they are graded and entered into the books.

God too, gave his most beloved, KNOWING and COUNTING on the fact that He would come back to him again: that in his love the rest of his creation would be restored into his hands once more.

This may seem like a far stretch to some of you, but it's what hit me tonight.
Let us not forget that we are created in the image of our Father in Heaven and that when it is time, we too will be restored back into His hands. He spent too much love on us for us to throw away our lives and our identities as His sons and daughters. So if you are feeling like you are not worth much, remember that you are worth the Son of God's life. Why? Because He didn't sell you like some project for hire, He created you and loves you, and He wants to know you better. Begin deepening your relationship with Him now. There is never a wrong time. Let us come before the Father and let Him restore us to our original purpose as children of the King. For He is the Creator of all things intricate and good.