Staying up all night is no longer my cup-of-tea. Infact, I rather hate it. I have a bit of a sore throat right now as it is... but have been working on my schedule for this fall. I'm begining to wish that I would graduate already... start my career... get married... and move to some other country for a while... do some mission work... better yet... live my life as a mission (but that I should already be doing daily!! Mercy!).
But those are just daydreams. For now.
My reality is that I have two-and-a-half years left before I graduate. That means before I get married for sure too, cause I WILL finish my education before I tie a knot in someone else's rope with mine . Just gonna admit it: I have no idea what God has in mind for me. I'm scared. I'm worried. And I'm a jerk for saying that I believe in him and yet continue to have these reactions to His life plan for me.
"Lord, I'm working four jobs, I have no money, neither do my parents... and there are kids out there that don't even WANT to go to a university, and yet their parents are able to pay their entire way without them even having to EVER lift a finger to work for it. Why?
Oh my God, I trust in thee. When I am tempted to ask myself, 'What else can I do?' Remind me gently to ask myself 'What more do I need?'
Jesus, forgive me for my unbelief.. and help me to use what you HAVE given me for YOU. Help me to put my hope in you and to help others with what I DO HAVE, instead of complaining abut what I DON'T have. Thank you Father. Thank you for ALWAYS taking the time to listen to me."
I will not drown this semester. I am going to work my four jobs, do my homework and take time to study, but I VOW to take time to spend with the One who is the ONLY reason for ANY of my feeble efforts.
You don't always have to feel blessed to be a blessing... But if you focus on the blessings you can be, you will see the blessings that you have.
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