Monday, April 25, 2011

"And God saw that it was good"

As I am wrapping up for the night, I'm sitting here at my kitchen table looking at the paintings on my walls I've done this year and looking at the PDFs of all the graphic design projects from this semester, glancing through some of the photo-shoots I've taken... And I was just thinking about all that creative energy... all the ideas that've somehow managed to tumble from my brain and out my fingertips this year...

truly they were all a gift from God...

I'll be honest, it just hit me that sometimes I put off turning in projects simply because I am not ready to part with the little pieces of me that seem to go with them... I don't mean this in a sad way... I mean to write this to make a point in a moment... bear with me: If any of you have ever spent any considerable amount of time on a project, it doesn't have to have been a creative project... but if you've dedicated your mental capacities and your time to something, perhaps you too have experienced not only the feeling of relief from being done, but especially the fulfillment that comes from stepping back and being able to say, "It is good." And yet, at the same time a hesitance to part with it...

I have never had any children, nor do I plan to anytime soon, but for those of you who have, I can only imagine the bond you feel towards your child. It came from YOU. You gave a part of your life, 9 entire months dedicated to this beautiful creation that is a part of you.

Now, imagine with me, the devastation and the heart-ache God felt when he had dedicated his time and creativity to making a beautiful creation that He was able to stand back and say, "It is good," and to not long after have to part with it: this creation that reflected who He is, and that came from his hands, that breathed the breath HE GAVE it.

When I turn my projects in, I am hesitant, but I inevitably turn them in KNOWING that I will receive them back into my hands once they are graded and entered into the books.

God too, gave his most beloved, KNOWING and COUNTING on the fact that He would come back to him again: that in his love the rest of his creation would be restored into his hands once more.

This may seem like a far stretch to some of you, but it's what hit me tonight.
Let us not forget that we are created in the image of our Father in Heaven and that when it is time, we too will be restored back into His hands. He spent too much love on us for us to throw away our lives and our identities as His sons and daughters. So if you are feeling like you are not worth much, remember that you are worth the Son of God's life. Why? Because He didn't sell you like some project for hire, He created you and loves you, and He wants to know you better. Begin deepening your relationship with Him now. There is never a wrong time. Let us come before the Father and let Him restore us to our original purpose as children of the King. For He is the Creator of all things intricate and good.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

New bookcover

New book cover I just completed. This has been one of my favorite projects I've worked on as of yet. Hope you like it too,


Click the image to make it larger

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

A walk in the dark...

"Every one says honesty is a lovely idea, until they have something to to be honest about."

Last night after my 9 o'clock class I ventured out on a walk because there was no resisting the glorious night laid out before me. I walked until I found a little stream at the edge of a wooded thicket and stood there, akimbo at the edge, listening. At first my ears strained to hear anything above the glittering flow of the brook, and then it seemed as my eyes adjusted so did my ears.

Everything was still, a slight breeze blew the clouds above onward with a steady roll. Illuminated by the very distant street lights and field lights of the intramural games beyond the gym, the clouds were an amber/azure glow slipping steady against the navy sky. There were few stars, yet the ones I privileged to view were little glints of hope in the bucket of my despondent frustration.

It would almost be nice to say at this point I've become apathetic...

But I'm not.

Not at all, and I wish NOT to be.

I think it's easy to run around and look busy and avoid and never step out into the truth. To avoid confrontation. To boast honesty and yet truly give only a weak inclination of true partiality to such. To never take a walk outside in the night alone, even when knowing tis the very thing your soul needs. It's unquestionably sad. Yet, I've run back inside many times after only venturing on to my porch.


So I closed my eyes, abandoned my shoes and stood there by the brook with my head back, breathing deep. There is nothing like the smell of nighttime. The day can be stuffy or mixed with all sorts of pungent little scents, like things left too long in the sun. But the night... the night offers a clarity the day cannot. Sound travels further at night, the smell of the earth is cool and sweet, and all around is apt to be a little more calm and quiet.

In the branches a whippoorwill began to sing it's song, the crickets, whom I sincerely love to hear, began theirs, and I realized that I needed to have ventured to this spot just to listen.

My head talks too much, and my ears are out of the habit of listening well.

Je adore birds. So to have been privileged to hear this whippoorwill weaving its song into the sounds of the night, adjusting its pitch... soaring and falling with the flow of the stream... was all a gift to my ears.

I don't boast to ever hear God's voice, but I feel that as I went on this walk with a prayer in my heart, he laid the only true answer I need to know upon it:

"Child, be still and KNOW that I am GOD."

So today, as I listen to my fingers tapping over the keys to write of last night's experience, I am recalling this answer. I've exhausted myself from embarrassing efforts to make things happen in my life, when all along I should have remembered to be still. (granted, I'm not talking about slothfulness, or looking for excuses to wilt from my own chagrin, but rather learning step back when it's not my turn).

I have been praying one particular prayer for many years, and apparently it is not yet time. Apparently I am to continue being still. For how long I've no idea... As long as God stills me I shall remain so, because I, admittedly, cannot do it on my own.

One thing I know: I am not afraid of being honest, and will not let my own wounded pride fold me up into a little box, thrown to the dogs of derision. Because I've been there before...
And I'm not going back.

photo from

Friday, April 15, 2011

Rain rain go away to England where you belong

I'm watching the rain dance down from the sky, sliding down my window-pane in unique little patterns; a kalaidescope of colors blur in and out as the sun hits different spots behind the clouds and cars roll up with their lights bright. And me...

I'm sitting here in my living room. On my couch.

This in and of itself is very strange.

"Say what?" You may ask, "What is so strange about you sitting on your couch?"

Well, you see, I don't exactly often sit... on my couch. It's a foreign spot for me. I sit at my desk working, I sit in classes attempting to soak up my money's worth in knowledge. But my couch...

...That's reserved for leisurely acts such as rewarding oneself for being productive after a long day, or week. In fact, I can honestly admit I often go an entire week without sitting on my couch. But when DO sit here, I hardly imagine getting up. It's not that I'm lazy... In fact, I'm a bit of a work-a-holic (I have 3 jobs and do freelance on the side, um, but please don't think I'm rolling in the green stuff... my university on the other hand...)
So yes, back to my couch. There are two soft, over-sized, cream-colored pillows, and two large, cream and velvety throws folded all nicely... except for when I sit there. My vintage coffee table is traditionally elegant and painted cream with a tinted beveled glass center. There are purposely NO florescent lights in this space. Woven textures mixed with creams and simple patterns.

From the get-go I knew my time with my couch would be rare, so I was determined to create an environment where I knew I would soak up my time there in blissful relaxation.

"My my my... what a strange woman," you may say.

However strange I may be... I'm me.
And I like my time with my couch. I'd rather it be rare and relaxing, than frequent and slothful.

Welcome to a snippet of my life. You're welcome to come sit on my couch haha

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers... not me...

So, today was crazy. Why am I even talking about it, or about to write about it? ...I have absolutely no clue. But I feel that somehow, writing it down here is a way for me to look at it, and step back and... maybe breathe a sigh of relief...

1. went to bed at 2am, got up at 8am (got to read my Bible and shower... necessary items for the commencement of a day)
2. ate a yogurt (was happy to have remembered to eat b/c of the rush I was in)
3. Felt that the yogurt was a pathetic choice of food... and regretted it when I was hungry an hour later.
4. Went to my 1st class
5. Went to work...
6. bought like a 700 calorie lunch from the VM (to make up for my lack of b-fast calories of course)
7. drove back to my apartment and ate my meal in front of about a 3rd of Pride and Prejudice... (don't judge me haha)
8. Dove back into working on projects until class at 3:30
9. Rewarded myself for my productivity by making a new ring tone for my phone haha
10. Marked all my books in the proper places for my research paper
11. Avoided further work on my paper
12. Went to class from 3:30 to 7:20pm
13. Printed off $30 worth of final projects for my Design class, assembled a CD case with a design, cut out all of my prints and sent more off to the press.
14. Ran back to my apartment and changed for a nice hour of tennis with my buddy Ana
15. Edited some photos and ate some dark chocolate-covered almonds
16. Avoided my research paper some more
17. showered again
18. Read some C.S. Lewis
19. Am writing this blog for no reason
20. Am getting in bed...

Today was a gift. I hope I accepted it the right way. Yeah, so what... this wasn't a deep blog... bah! I just felt like writing again. Somehow, it is just another aspect of life I enjoy, and I'm thankful for this day that God granted. If anyone even got through the reading process of this thing I'm impressed, yeah, this one was more for me than for you, but look for some Senior portraits I just took to be posted very soon. Tomorrow is going to equal more productivity! Mark my words! (and I'm gonna punish that paper!)

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Ode to the broseph

This morning I definitely wasn't planning on blogging, I SHOULD be writing... my research paper... But I just had a need to write this down. Last night I had a really great conversation with my brother. For the most part all of our conversations are good. Why? Because there are no walls between us. Now, granted... this is a young man who has had to overcome a lot in his life, but chooses to glorify God instead of bitterness or letting the despair of disappointment rule.

My bro and I have always been close. I've always been the bossy older sister with an unruly will of iron (but would take out anyone who crossed my little bro the wrong way) and he's been the patient (well... he's become patient.. I'll take the credit haha) little brother with a grand ability to read others and meet them where they are. I've seen him reflect Christ so many countless times. Yeah we've had our quarreling days, but there is something sobering about knowing how fragile life is that seems to easily rid it of petty arguments or grudges. I can talk to him about anything. ANYTHING. shoot. the poor chap probably has had to endure many conversations chock-full of info he had not a care to know... but he still actively listens. I appreciate him because he knows I think out loud... that I sometimes need to ramble to get to the point... or whatever point I feel I need to ramble about in order to discover it. He doesn't try to offer me advice when those instances occur. He doesn't try to jump in and solve my problems. He just listens. And if I ask for advice, he's always honest and tells me what he thinks.

A rare soul.

If we all had the ability to break down the walls we've built we would be a nation to wonder at. There would be no stopping us. But the thing is, even though we built the walls, there are not enough years in our lives left to break them down on our own.

we can't, WE CAN'T WE CAN'T.

But HE can. I've seen my brother allow God to break down his walls. I've been privy to watch God work on breaking down many of my own. One of my favorite songs by Garage Voice talks about how we can not be hurt more than we're loved. It starts out with the following lines:

"Lord, I wanna be gracious. Let this blind man see. All my ways are follies, lead me to Calvary. I am in this struggle, Lord I still believe, on my bed I wander, help my unbelief."

When we realize the immense love of God, how he cares about the details of our lives. How he wants us to see the meaning of His Son's death, and how He wants to bring us HOME to him, to draw us close, to take down our little crappy Lego walls... THEN we can walk with our heads high in the knowledge that our meaning in life comes from HIM. Not from our own strengths or talents, or anything else we could ever accomplish.

Unfortunately, for me, it took my little brother almost dying from Crohn's disease to realize many of these things. But God... God is a God who listens, He is a God who creates life and when we are here, killing ourselves with our schedules, our ideas of what life is "supposed" to be be, with our own pleasures and vices in attempts to find rest... God is here walking with us through the valley of death and dying.

I will not fear because you are always with me Lord. I praise you for the walls you have disassembled, and I praise you for the ones you are working on.

"God is my shepherd. I won't be wanting. He makes me rest in fields of green, by quite streams...Surely goodness will follow me in the house of God forever" -Jon Foreman (Ps. 23)

Maybe this is me just talking out loud this morning... gathering my thoughts... but it was worth it.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

the stress cookie...

Dear delicious cookie that I just baked at 10pm because I was stressed,

There are times when it is easier to drive people away than to let them in.

It's best not to be that way... but sometimes it happens.

The end.

"He replied, 'You of little faith, why are you so afraid?' Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm."
- Matthew 8:26

My God is bigger than my petty little fears. I needed to write this, just so I could read it and remind myself.

Monday, April 4, 2011

New Design: Thai Restaurant Menu

This is my latest design.
I've been working on building my portfolio the last few months, so this will be added to the mix.

Click on the images to make them bigger