Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Dizzy and confused: on the line of happiness and fear.

I've been quite happy here lately for several reasons. But I can't get some things out of my head. I'm working four jobs to stay in school, yet because of the time spent on those jobs I'm doing bad in school for lack of studying. Like a fog over my eyes I wonder how to break this cycle? Is it possible? I must continue to be happy on my own in order to be happy with those around me. No one individual makes us wonderfully fulfilled. They certainly can make things more bearable. But I cannot forget the one Savior who has brought be through my life, who has carried me so many times.

Drowning has always been my biggest fear, and though I've always imagined it in a very physical sense, I cannot help but recognize the way my mental capacities are being filled with the water of despair from my responsibilities. The results are not so lovely and resemble a young woman with curly hair appearing over-worked, underpaid, over-exhausted and yearning for reprieve. I long to take care of my body, to exercise, to do the things I enjoy, to SLEEP, to spend more time with my Savior: yet I cannot. I am failing in every sense of the word and I don't know how to stop. I have called out, I have begged, I have pleaded for reprieve. I know my Redeemer lives, but it would be so incredibly blessed to my soul if he would grant me a more tangible pardon. Peace. "My peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you;not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27

Of late my blogging seems only to occur when my heart is heavy. When I am overwhelmed. I cannot disprove the fact that being exausted brings this about, just as I cannot disown the many, countless times Jesus has brought me through. Thus I'm just asking for prayer yet again. So if you've a moment, say one for me, and if you need prayer too, by all means let me know because as brothers and sisters in Christ's family we are to lift one another up. He places special people in our lives for us to bless and to be blessed by. I am so thankful for all of my loved ones and those I cherish. And just when I thought I could not ask for more He places more special people in my life. None of us are perfect, but I know that God is leading in our lives. How? You may wonder.

Because we ask Him to.

Just as my prayer all day has been, I ask that God will continue to lead me, through the good and bad alike, to give me strength to trust in His will, and to cherish me as His daughter as He always has.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Upon this edge I sleep

My soul.
I feel as though it is taking leave of me.
I need a tangible amount of mercy.
Just enough hope to grasp.
Surviving on this bread and water,
My heart is failing at last.

Hidden are the verses in my mind.
Eyes too closed to see.
The very air with which I breath,
threatens to smother me.

Where is my Savior's mercy?
Will His hands gather my needs?
Taken from this world of suffering,
My Savior, my only relief.
Upon this edge I sleep.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

I Just Realized...

Hitting my noggin like an egg hits a house on Halloween, I suddenly realized this week's Accent has the possibility of being littered with my first and last name. This slightly worries me, because:
a. People will be reading my writing and may thus judge me.
b. My writing may be terrible.
c. something could go wrong again.

The possible contents of this week's edition involving my name include:
1. Front page piece on the Cohutta Springs Triathlon.
2. One of the news pages possibly containing a short introduction of Melissa Hefferlin, one of the Art Department's new teachers.
3. Lifestyles page with an album/artist review I wrote on Brandi Carlile and her new album Giving up the Ghost.

I suppose we'll see what happens. Blah. I need a vacation.