Thursday, December 30, 2010

In the Quiet of the Night...

Last night I lay on my bed, head in my hands as I found myself mulling over the same things I seem to habitually think about. Finally, when I realized my train of thought was only taking the same well-trodden paths (paths one can only mull over so many times before they become monotonous...) I finally stopped everything simply to listen. Some of my favorite sounds are those of nature: early morning 5 a.m. as the world awakens from its slumber and late, late night... As it happened it was one-something at night and I was still not sleeping. Confession: I usually sleep with a fan on, in need of some steady background noise, but as I had just decided to lay in silence I made no move towards the fan. Steady was the patter and splash of the raindrops outside my window, the wind seemed personified as the breath of the night's deep slumber. The trees with their branches like a tender hand, brushing the hair from its face of fear.

Yet, despite the occasional moan from the restless breeze, there reigned a calm that seemed to stem from somewhere deep... a sigh as the wind passed my window, as if knowing the morning would bring the answer to whatever questions held the dark blanket of worry over the night's eyes. And so I took the advice from the sounds of the night and slept. Can I say I found answers to my questions when I awoke this morning? I can not, but I'm learning to continue in God's strength and guidance as I wait. I'm learning that I can be open with God about even my most frequent doubts. I know He has done miracles in my life - I have many answered prayers accounted for and to testify of - Regardless, it remains difficult to wait for the one thing I've been praying for, for what seems like years. But, I trust that God is working steadily there too - as He is working and has worked in the smallest details of my life... and just as steadily as he listens to my heart when it is lonely, impatient or confused about my future. He, above all, understands me and I know Him as my dearest, most precious friend and I only hope to understand Him more as I continue on paths of discovery in this life.

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