One Step Forward... Two Steps Back

Here lately I've been feeling guilty for not writing like I used to, so I'm posting a few of my blogs from myspace that are pretty darn applicable to my current thoughts and musings...This one was inspired by a Katie Herzig song called "I will Follow." A pretty darn-good song. I really appreciate music that gets my mind rolling. Anyway...Hope you enjoy...hope it gets your mind rolling. And I enjoy feedback, so don't be shy.


One step forward, two steps back.

Winter comes and fall fades.

Lovers dream and reality cleans.

I am walking, I am sitting, I am pondering, I am sleeping.

One step forward, two steps back.

I am waiting, I am watching.

I will follow.



I sit backwards on my unmade bed. Home for the first time in two months. It's lovely indeed. So funny how I forget so easily that this is my favorite place. Being in the vicinity of those I trust is not only calming, but simply overall restoring to my very soul.

Feeling lost is an easy thing to do. I've decided it's for the lazy. Sometimes it's for me. But not ultimately. I apparently like to find myself; comtemplation through journaling, writing seemingly empty, random, though soul searching lyrics on a lazy winter Sunday afternoon, all-the-while struming repetative chords on my guitar for hours on end. Reading. Painting. Little artsy things that take up my time, fill my mind, and steal my thoughts from things that matter like helping others.

Some how I continually am bombarded by some thought that I must find out who I am before I can really give myself to others.

I'm pretty sure this is a lie.

I'm pretty sure I should forget myself. Lose myself. Plunge myself into the depths of worldly waters, taking oxygen for those without a line connected to the surface of the cross covered with love enough to breath into their bluing, cold lips. Lips they've tried to warm by other means. My own lips have been cold. My fingers numb from the continual strumming of chords to find my soul.

I have found it. Listen to the crys of others, feel their pain for a moment, forget the apathetic stance of the traditional Christian face that the world so often views, the one who claims unconditional love, while viewing the conditions,double-checking the list to see if it's ok...just give it to them.



JUST GIVE IT TO THEM. TO ME. TO YOU. TO THE DIRTY. THE EMPTY SOULS, THE FULL ONES, THE UNLOVED, UNCLAIMED. OLD. YOUNG. STINKY.

TO THE ONES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE.

Am I uncomfortable because I don't think that I can love them, or is it because I know I can, but it will lead me out of my little safe corner? Is it because it requires more than one of my smiles?

JESUS. FILL ME.

May YOUR love fill me. SHOW ME WHO TO GIVE IT TO TODAY.

One step forward, two steps back.

Two steps forward, no looking back...