Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Ode to the broseph

This morning I definitely wasn't planning on blogging, I SHOULD be writing... my research paper... But I just had a need to write this down. Last night I had a really great conversation with my brother. For the most part all of our conversations are good. Why? Because there are no walls between us. Now, granted... this is a young man who has had to overcome a lot in his life, but chooses to glorify God instead of bitterness or letting the despair of disappointment rule.

My bro and I have always been close. I've always been the bossy older sister with an unruly will of iron (but would take out anyone who crossed my little bro the wrong way) and he's been the patient (well... he's become patient.. I'll take the credit haha) little brother with a grand ability to read others and meet them where they are. I've seen him reflect Christ so many countless times. Yeah we've had our quarreling days, but there is something sobering about knowing how fragile life is that seems to easily rid it of petty arguments or grudges. I can talk to him about anything. ANYTHING. shoot. the poor chap probably has had to endure many conversations chock-full of info he had not a care to know... but he still actively listens. I appreciate him because he knows I think out loud... that I sometimes need to ramble to get to the point... or whatever point I feel I need to ramble about in order to discover it. He doesn't try to offer me advice when those instances occur. He doesn't try to jump in and solve my problems. He just listens. And if I ask for advice, he's always honest and tells me what he thinks.

A rare soul.

If we all had the ability to break down the walls we've built we would be a nation to wonder at. There would be no stopping us. But the thing is, even though we built the walls, there are not enough years in our lives left to break them down on our own.

we can't, WE CAN'T WE CAN'T.

But HE can. I've seen my brother allow God to break down his walls. I've been privy to watch God work on breaking down many of my own. One of my favorite songs by Garage Voice talks about how we can not be hurt more than we're loved. It starts out with the following lines:

"Lord, I wanna be gracious. Let this blind man see. All my ways are follies, lead me to Calvary. I am in this struggle, Lord I still believe, on my bed I wander, help my unbelief."

When we realize the immense love of God, how he cares about the details of our lives. How he wants us to see the meaning of His Son's death, and how He wants to bring us HOME to him, to draw us close, to take down our little crappy Lego walls... THEN we can walk with our heads high in the knowledge that our meaning in life comes from HIM. Not from our own strengths or talents, or anything else we could ever accomplish.

Unfortunately, for me, it took my little brother almost dying from Crohn's disease to realize many of these things. But God... God is a God who listens, He is a God who creates life and when we are here, killing ourselves with our schedules, our ideas of what life is "supposed" to be be, with our own pleasures and vices in attempts to find rest... God is here walking with us through the valley of death and dying.

I will not fear because you are always with me Lord. I praise you for the walls you have disassembled, and I praise you for the ones you are working on.

"God is my shepherd. I won't be wanting. He makes me rest in fields of green, by quite streams...Surely goodness will follow me in the house of God forever" -Jon Foreman (Ps. 23)

Maybe this is me just talking out loud this morning... gathering my thoughts... but it was worth it.

No comments: