Stepping it Up

(As published in the Southern Accent)

I’ve been trying something a little different lately with my prayer life: I’m stepping it up. Trying to find balance in a crazy schedule amidst juggling all the “to dos” is rather daunting, and prayer can slip through the cracks, sometimes even more so during the summers. While reading my devotions, I had an epiphany the other morning; or rather, I was awakened enough to ask myself why I’ve been confining my relationship with God to a devotional book? There are many opportunities each day to apply my faith to life’s situations, yet I often let them roll past.

It is easy to forget that my relationship with Christ is strengthened most when I am applying His love, faith, and hope to the life He’s given me! Israelite that I am my prayers are often uttered quickly with notes of doubt attached. But wait! That’s how the devil wants me to think: In terms of doubt and in haste. He keeps me busy, he fills my schedule, he gives me good things to do for people. You may think this an absurd statement, but quite frankly, he has been studying you from the time you were born. If he can use good deeds to keep you so busy that you forget to connect with the One who inspired that love in your heart, if he can suck that well of love dry, keep you giving and forgetting to refill your love in the Love of your Creator, then he will do it.

We have the privilege to talk with our Savior and to draw our strength from him. Living in Christ we can overcome the distractions and we can inspire others to walk with their hands in the Savior’s; we have the opportunity to be revolutionaries for Christ. I challenge you to find what works for you to keep your prayer life alive. Keep a journal, pick up a copy of Oswald Chambers’ “My Utmost for His Highest” from McKay’s and please watch the song “In the Words of Satan” by the Arrows on Youtube. Let’s step it up and stay connected.

Hmmm...

Alas, it is true, I blogged about productivity yesterday and behold: today I am sick. Quite ironic.

But this too shall pass. Perhaps it's God's way of hinting to me that I am too busy for the good of my health. I know there are too many times that I get carried away with getting things done that I neglect my very body and my well being. This is so wrong! And I know it, yet, time and time again I abuse this temple that God has given me to care for. These are the days that I must use to remind myself that if I have not health, especially due to my own poor choices, I have willingly limited my overall productivity for God's work.

Honestly, this is me being blunt with myself: Buckling down on getting regular rest is the biggest factor I'm dealing with. This is my biggest challenge. I exercise regularly and love eating healthy foods, but I know that Satan knows my weaknesses and preys on this one concerning rest quite readily; He tempts me to push harder to the point of exhaustion more than I'd like to admit. But it is time for me to place this temptation in my Father's hands with the rest of them, because I know He will help me gain victory over this as well.

About a month ago I began praying that God would begin to show me more of my flaws and help me address them. This was a scary prayer to pray and I'll admit I had been putting it off, though I've been praying that He will continue to do so because I'm ready to become more whole in Him, more ready for battle in His armor and not trusting in my own walls.

It's been interesting thus far, but I'm thankful for what He HAS shown me. He's helping me grow in Him. I could not ask for so many miracles! He has bestowed kindness upon me in this process and I am learning to trust Him more. That can be hard in this Adventist Mecca that I live in. It's easy to think you're doing alright spiritually, but I want to be more than alright. I want to be prepared.

However, the bottom line is that I'm thankful to know that I am changing; be it slowly, I am changing. Every time I slip-up and get frustrated or neglect rest or whatever it is that I'm battling at the time, I KNOW that God sends me reminders of His love each time. He calls us back to Him, grace ready to bestow.

Today I'm thankful for being under-the-weather. It's given me more time to spend with Him.

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:15,16

Overrated Productivity?

Though I could say this on a daily basis, today is a new start to the rest of my life. Isn't that awesome? Each day is new: a gift. Each breath is given and granted, filling us with energy to face each moment. I'm thankful for this. So many times I focus on getting things done, adding to my list so I can mark yet another thing off. Accomplishment. Looking at the black markings, crisscrossing, circling and scribbled all over my list, my goal always to exceeded my expectations.

Yet... sometimes I fall behind. Sometimes I lack the necessary vigor to attain expected productivity. Hard times ensue. Isn't it interesting how we are often our harshest critic in life? It's easy to allow self-inflicted disappointment to creep in our minds in an all-too consuming manner. However, I'm thankful for the reminder that my life, the sum of anything I could ever accomplish, is not enough. Yes, I said it. My life is and will NEVER be enough to gain the type of joy or contentment that I know I long for. This could be a rather dismal realization, but instead I choose to take this realization for the treasure it is: No amount of works could attain the salvation that I so desperately desire. No amount of accomplishments will build me a stairway to heaven. No amount of labor or good deeds or self-proclaimed productivity will save me. Why? Because "the GIFT of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 6:23

And I praise God for this GIFT. I praise my father for loving me so deeply that he grants me oxygen to breathe words of His love to those I come in contact with. Though I must remind myself that productivity is important, I must also remember that I am productive because I desire to be productive in Christ: To do His work. I desire for my heart's desires to be in song with His.

Thank you Father for your Gift of Life. Help me to be active in your love, showing it to those around me. Grant me productivity in You. Thank you for your grace and for once again providing me with the money to pay for school. Father, you granted me with the exact amount once again. Help my life to be a testimony to your gift of love.

It's been too long

I have four minutes before class, and my computer is about to die on me. However, I am simply writing to admit that I have completely neglected my blog in a rather ridiculous manner. Writing has always been an out for me. My mind begins to turn rusty wheels as I type here now. With so much to write I'm not sure where to begin, but, I know that I have plans to disclose very soon :)

What? You're a night owl too?

My tooth feels loose. Yup. Like one of those feelings you get after you haven't flossed in a while and then your teeth complain after such a break, like the movement is the French Revolution all over again. But it's just one tooth. No biggie. I've got more. Although I just grinned to remind myself how important that tooth is. I have no anecdote to apply to that little tangent. Twas simply for the bliss of actually feeling my fingers flow over this sticky mac keyboard in the office. Watching my brain spill out words onto a white screen is like magic after a long day like today. I'm so happy. God got me through. Not me. He. And at the end of the day I'll have a chance to bed by midnight and a blog to show. A speech done, a project turned in, work at the newspaper and the mac lab accomplished, and a homework assignment completed.

This is the point in the evening when I like to put on oldies, opera, folk rock or classical and burn hazelnut candles. I've got everything but the candles. What have I to complain about. I'm still in the office, but my fingers will stop shortly. I haven't exercised today. So at least I can comfort my body by patting my digits on each hand and saying "good job. You burned five calories."

I look forward to the morning with anticipation, as do my fingers, for they know the exercise of a news story will challenge their strength. But let's not make it too early shall we? I'd like to see the sun rise. How bout seven? I think I'd like that. For now I'm going to close my eyes and listen to the rest of this song playing by A Fine Frenzy and then I'm going to take my leave of this familiar office and breathe some crisp fall night air before I tuck my body into bed.

Man o man it's morning AGAIN!

Most assuredly, allow me to explain, my deepest desire. Some would call claim to desires of gold, others clothes and houses, yet the only desires to fill up my mind are to sleep, to sleep and to be caught up in my school work. Miserable are my 2:21 and 3:10 a.m. nights. Cold are my 7 a.m. mornings. My pulse quickens at the hope of catching up and being level again by the end of this week. I've got two news stories to write, a painting to paint for this evening, due at 6:30. So I'm finishing up my Annotative References for my Communication Research class. I have NO desire to do anything with the word "research" attached any time soon!!! I just finished a 10 page research paper on how the use of color in advertising affects consumers. It was interesting research, but I simply had not the time. I turned it in late. Bummer. But hey, it's done, and it's one less thing hanging over my head. For this I can certainly grin!

God's willing I will make it to the weekend well with a chance for rest. For now I'm going to get those references typed up and I now plan on sending them with my roommate to class in the "morning" and will sleep in and clean and paint when I get up. I have a meeting at 11 I have to get to. Too bad I can't just slip away with the entire morning to a quiet, secluded spot. Perhaps it would be a forest with sunlight pouring in on a clearing, yellow leaves of fall reflecting the warmth of the golden rays. I'd like a pillow of soft, thick, green moss, a blanket of heather and a kiss on the cheek. This sleeping beauty is gonna need a kiss before the days all said and done. (*again, I grin)

My Savior has brought me through another day, though slightly into the next one as well. He's the only one who can save me from my self. Ps. 34 is worth a good read. I think I'll do that before I turn in for the "night".

Today is Beautiful

Usually my feelings toward extreme Sundays are quite ambiguous and not a little apathetic. Simply filling with the desire to accomplish the mountainous tasks before me is not great, however, today is beautiful. I for once have gotten rest. I spent some time in the Word, and though this is usually attempted throughout the course of my day at some point, it was especially nice this morning. My soul was granted a reprieve. God has heard my prayers. I know He listens. It's just hard to see through the fog sometimes. I'm thankful. I've been sick-and-tired of rolling around in the dirt hoping to get clean. I'm not going to say it's easy, but,today is beautiful and I love it.

Dizzy and confused: on the line of happiness and fear.

I've been quite happy here lately for several reasons. But I can't get some things out of my head. I'm working four jobs to stay in school, yet because of the time spent on those jobs I'm doing bad in school for lack of studying. Like a fog over my eyes I wonder how to break this cycle? Is it possible? I must continue to be happy on my own in order to be happy with those around me. No one individual makes us wonderfully fulfilled. They certainly can make things more bearable. But I cannot forget the one Savior who has brought be through my life, who has carried me so many times.

Drowning has always been my biggest fear, and though I've always imagined it in a very physical sense, I cannot help but recognize the way my mental capacities are being filled with the water of despair from my responsibilities. The results are not so lovely and resemble a young woman with curly hair appearing over-worked, underpaid, over-exhausted and yearning for reprieve. I long to take care of my body, to exercise, to do the things I enjoy, to SLEEP, to spend more time with my Savior: yet I cannot. I am failing in every sense of the word and I don't know how to stop. I have called out, I have begged, I have pleaded for reprieve. I know my Redeemer lives, but it would be so incredibly blessed to my soul if he would grant me a more tangible pardon. Peace. "My peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you;not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27

Of late my blogging seems only to occur when my heart is heavy. When I am overwhelmed. I cannot disprove the fact that being exausted brings this about, just as I cannot disown the many, countless times Jesus has brought me through. Thus I'm just asking for prayer yet again. So if you've a moment, say one for me, and if you need prayer too, by all means let me know because as brothers and sisters in Christ's family we are to lift one another up. He places special people in our lives for us to bless and to be blessed by. I am so thankful for all of my loved ones and those I cherish. And just when I thought I could not ask for more He places more special people in my life. None of us are perfect, but I know that God is leading in our lives. How? You may wonder.

Because we ask Him to.

Just as my prayer all day has been, I ask that God will continue to lead me, through the good and bad alike, to give me strength to trust in His will, and to cherish me as His daughter as He always has.

Upon this edge I sleep

My soul.
I feel as though it is taking leave of me.
Cold.
Frightened.
Pleading.
I need a tangible amount of mercy.
Just enough hope to grasp.
Surviving on this bread and water,
My heart is failing at last.

Hidden are the verses in my mind.
Eyes too closed to see.
The very air with which I breath,
threatens to smother me.

Where is my Savior's mercy?
Will His hands gather my needs?
Taken from this world of suffering,
My Savior, my only relief.
Upon this edge I sleep.

I Just Realized...

Hitting my noggin like an egg hits a house on Halloween, I suddenly realized this week's Accent has the possibility of being littered with my first and last name. This slightly worries me, because:
a. People will be reading my writing and may thus judge me.
b. My writing may be terrible.
c. something could go wrong again.

The possible contents of this week's edition involving my name include:
1. Front page piece on the Cohutta Springs Triathlon.
2. One of the news pages possibly containing a short introduction of Melissa Hefferlin, one of the Art Department's new teachers.
3. Lifestyles page with an album/artist review I wrote on Brandi Carlile and her new album Giving up the Ghost.

I suppose we'll see what happens. Blah. I need a vacation.

Matt Costa-Cold December

Totally love this song :]

Today is good

Hello friends.

I have a confession to make: I am tired, but if you need a hug, let me know, cause I probably need one too ;)

Today has been lovely. Such a glittering change from the buckets of water that dumped over our heads last week. No more grey skies! I feel like I'm living in TN again!

Challenge of the day: Spend some time walking around barefoot. Enjoy this green grass while we have it! But look for a fall leaf to use a bookmark.

Mmmm... I just love the smell of fall!

*sigh*

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I just said what I need to say. If I didn't hold things in... letting them burn my soul in their steady, repetitive manner. I'd like to try it today. Maybe I won't have enough courage when it comes to the punch. Maybe it will continue to burn my hopes or just to grow me in patience, but sometimes I think getting it out and over with is better than any quick plunge into cold waters on hot days. It could be like a relief. I'd like that: a relief.

That'd be nice.

Satire or Exhaustion? Irony or scrutiny?

Even my eyebrow twitched, wishing to raise as I felt my lips threatening to part... to turn up. With all silent might my brain willed them not to break into a full smile, which I owned had potential to turn the situation at hand into something quite awkward. I'm pretty-sure he knew I was hiding something, possibly taking it to mean disappointment, yet little did he know the irony my thoughts were turning to as he spoke, and the sheer will I had not to bust up in front of his face. Propriety was holding me captive. All the better for my reputation.

Exhaustion: the point where everything in life has the capability to appear either devastating or, my personal favorite: hilarious. For absolutely NO reason. Clearly I prefer the latter, having just stated so, but I do wish exhaustion wasn't such a well known acquaintance.

Admittedly, I LOVE awkward situations. They are fun. They are dandy. They are awesome. I can't get enough of em. However, not all feel the same. I'm o.k. with that. If they did, then there would never be awkward moments. WHAT WOULD THE WORLD BE LIKE WITHOUT THEM! My mind shouts.

O.k. so it really didn't shout, but it made realize how great they are.

I'm gonna be honest in saying that if you're reading this ditty for the sake of finding out what scenario I was alluding to in the first paragraph, then sorry to disappoint, but I'm not givin' that one up just yet. Maybe next time ;)

Is that awkward? Nope. But I still smiled.

Commonalities

As I rip open the cereal box with a sigh, I notice large, angular words printed across the front of the box: 2 BONUS BOX TOPS!

Now they're trying to tell my subconscious that I should be excited about them "rewarding" me with two extra pieces of cardboard that I can cut out and send to them to help further the funding of some education program because everyone in the government, donkey and elephant alike, keep arguing about how neither gives a ducky about getting more funds for education, and our children are receiving a less dedicated education than some of the third world countries I've been to. Whew, man. Glad I got that off my chest.

Walking around for days, facing sour-faced people, sad-face, tired-face, mean-face, despair-face... ugly-face... the latter not being because anyone fell out of the the ugly tree; these are handsome people with characteristics of health and vigor wishing to show through, but due to this cycle we're paying to plague ourselves through we are daunted by tasks felt impossible. Hearts are heavy, skies grey and lives intimidated to the point of self-admittance into dark boxes. Will the sun shine anytime soon?

I've been putting down "Exercise" in my schedule for weeks now. I've gone running a grand total of twice. My head is yearning for endorphins, my belly willing to run from anymore carbs. School these past weeks has not been conducive to a healthy, balanced lifestyle; a rollie pollie waiting to uncurl, I wish I'd stop getting poked!

I doze, I run in circles, I do homework, forget to eat, then eat too much... Then I do it all over again. Yesterday I was on top of my A-game, the day before I was drowning. Today I was granted to come up for air once, and by this evening I would love to even have a B-game goin on. Tomorrow: well that's another adventure, but through it all I am praying myself through. It's the only thing I CAN do without fumbling up. In this entire process I've discovered how many-a-woman gives up on the dream of "settling down." Shoot. I wouldn't have time for a man if I wanted one right now. Plus, I certainly do not desire to wish more problems upon myself. It's not that I'm not at all open to considering anything, but for now, singleness is the shiz. And it looks as though by the time it's all over with, prince charming is going to have to do some shaking of the shoulders to wake me up from this trance. God's willing that he can.