A walk in the dark...

"Every one says honesty is a lovely idea, until they have something to to be honest about."

Last night after my 9 o'clock class I ventured out on a walk because there was no resisting the glorious night laid out before me. I walked until I found a little stream at the edge of a wooded thicket and stood there, akimbo at the edge, listening. At first my ears strained to hear anything above the glittering flow of the brook, and then it seemed as my eyes adjusted so did my ears.

Everything was still, a slight breeze blew the clouds above onward with a steady roll. Illuminated by the very distant street lights and field lights of the intramural games beyond the gym, the clouds were an amber/azure glow slipping steady against the navy sky. There were few stars, yet the ones I privileged to view were little glints of hope in the bucket of my despondent frustration.

It would almost be nice to say at this point I've become apathetic...

But I'm not.

Not at all, and I wish NOT to be.

I think it's easy to run around and look busy and avoid and never step out into the truth. To avoid confrontation. To boast honesty and yet truly give only a weak inclination of true partiality to such. To never take a walk outside in the night alone, even when knowing tis the very thing your soul needs. It's unquestionably sad. Yet, I've run back inside many times after only venturing on to my porch.

apathetic...
No.
pathetic...
YES

So I closed my eyes, abandoned my shoes and stood there by the brook with my head back, breathing deep. There is nothing like the smell of nighttime. The day can be stuffy or mixed with all sorts of pungent little scents, like things left too long in the sun. But the night... the night offers a clarity the day cannot. Sound travels further at night, the smell of the earth is cool and sweet, and all around is apt to be a little more calm and quiet.

In the branches a whippoorwill began to sing it's song, the crickets, whom I sincerely love to hear, began theirs, and I realized that I needed to have ventured to this spot just to listen.

My head talks too much, and my ears are out of the habit of listening well.

Je adore birds. So to have been privileged to hear this whippoorwill weaving its song into the sounds of the night, adjusting its pitch... soaring and falling with the flow of the stream... was all a gift to my ears.

I don't boast to ever hear God's voice, but I feel that as I went on this walk with a prayer in my heart, he laid the only true answer I need to know upon it:

"Child, be still and KNOW that I am GOD."

So today, as I listen to my fingers tapping over the keys to write of last night's experience, I am recalling this answer. I've exhausted myself from embarrassing efforts to make things happen in my life, when all along I should have remembered to be still. (granted, I'm not talking about slothfulness, or looking for excuses to wilt from my own chagrin, but rather learning step back when it's not my turn).

I have been praying one particular prayer for many years, and apparently it is not yet time. Apparently I am to continue being still. For how long I've no idea... As long as God stills me I shall remain so, because I, admittedly, cannot do it on my own.

One thing I know: I am not afraid of being honest, and will not let my own wounded pride fold me up into a little box, thrown to the dogs of derision. Because I've been there before...
And I'm not going back.


photo from chemtrails.com

Rain rain go away to England where you belong

I'm watching the rain dance down from the sky, sliding down my window-pane in unique little patterns; a kalaidescope of colors blur in and out as the sun hits different spots behind the clouds and cars roll up with their lights bright. And me...

I'm sitting here in my living room. On my couch.

This in and of itself is very strange.

"Say what?" You may ask, "What is so strange about you sitting on your couch?"

Well, you see, I don't exactly often sit... on my couch. It's a foreign spot for me. I sit at my desk working, I sit in classes attempting to soak up my money's worth in knowledge. But my couch...

...That's reserved for leisurely acts such as rewarding oneself for being productive after a long day, or week. In fact, I can honestly admit I often go an entire week without sitting on my couch. But when DO sit here, I hardly imagine getting up. It's not that I'm lazy... In fact, I'm a bit of a work-a-holic (I have 3 jobs and do freelance on the side, um, but please don't think I'm rolling in the green stuff... my university on the other hand...)
So yes, back to my couch. There are two soft, over-sized, cream-colored pillows, and two large, cream and velvety throws folded all nicely... except for when I sit there. My vintage coffee table is traditionally elegant and painted cream with a tinted beveled glass center. There are purposely NO florescent lights in this space. Woven textures mixed with creams and simple patterns.

From the get-go I knew my time with my couch would be rare, so I was determined to create an environment where I knew I would soak up my time there in blissful relaxation.

"My my my... what a strange woman," you may say.

Well...
However strange I may be... I'm me.
And I like my time with my couch. I'd rather it be rare and relaxing, than frequent and slothful.

Welcome to a snippet of my life. You're welcome to come sit on my couch haha

Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers... not me...

So, today was crazy. Why am I even talking about it, or about to write about it? ...I have absolutely no clue. But I feel that somehow, writing it down here is a way for me to look at it, and step back and... maybe breathe a sigh of relief...

1. went to bed at 2am, got up at 8am (got to read my Bible and shower... necessary items for the commencement of a day)
2. ate a yogurt (was happy to have remembered to eat b/c of the rush I was in)
3. Felt that the yogurt was a pathetic choice of food... and regretted it when I was hungry an hour later.
4. Went to my 1st class
5. Went to work...
6. bought like a 700 calorie lunch from the VM (to make up for my lack of b-fast calories of course)
7. drove back to my apartment and ate my meal in front of about a 3rd of Pride and Prejudice... (don't judge me haha)
8. Dove back into working on projects until class at 3:30
9. Rewarded myself for my productivity by making a new ring tone for my phone haha
10. Marked all my books in the proper places for my research paper
11. Avoided further work on my paper
12. Went to class from 3:30 to 7:20pm
13. Printed off $30 worth of final projects for my Design class, assembled a CD case with a design, cut out all of my prints and sent more off to the press.
14. Ran back to my apartment and changed for a nice hour of tennis with my buddy Ana
15. Edited some photos and ate some dark chocolate-covered almonds
16. Avoided my research paper some more
17. showered again
18. Read some C.S. Lewis
19. Am writing this blog for no reason
20. Am getting in bed...

Today was a gift. I hope I accepted it the right way. Yeah, so what... this wasn't a deep blog... bah! I just felt like writing again. Somehow, it is just another aspect of life I enjoy, and I'm thankful for this day that God granted. If anyone even got through the reading process of this thing I'm impressed, yeah, this one was more for me than for you, but look for some Senior portraits I just took to be posted very soon. Tomorrow is going to equal more productivity! Mark my words! (and I'm gonna punish that paper!)

Ode to the broseph

This morning I definitely wasn't planning on blogging, I SHOULD be writing... my research paper... But I just had a need to write this down. Last night I had a really great conversation with my brother. For the most part all of our conversations are good. Why? Because there are no walls between us. Now, granted... this is a young man who has had to overcome a lot in his life, but chooses to glorify God instead of bitterness or letting the despair of disappointment rule.

My bro and I have always been close. I've always been the bossy older sister with an unruly will of iron (but would take out anyone who crossed my little bro the wrong way) and he's been the patient (well... he's become patient.. I'll take the credit haha) little brother with a grand ability to read others and meet them where they are. I've seen him reflect Christ so many countless times. Yeah we've had our quarreling days, but there is something sobering about knowing how fragile life is that seems to easily rid it of petty arguments or grudges. I can talk to him about anything. ANYTHING. shoot. the poor chap probably has had to endure many conversations chock-full of info he had not a care to know... but he still actively listens. I appreciate him because he knows I think out loud... that I sometimes need to ramble to get to the point... or whatever point I feel I need to ramble about in order to discover it. He doesn't try to offer me advice when those instances occur. He doesn't try to jump in and solve my problems. He just listens. And if I ask for advice, he's always honest and tells me what he thinks.

A rare soul.

If we all had the ability to break down the walls we've built we would be a nation to wonder at. There would be no stopping us. But the thing is, even though we built the walls, there are not enough years in our lives left to break them down on our own.

we can't, WE CAN'T WE CAN'T.

But HE can. I've seen my brother allow God to break down his walls. I've been privy to watch God work on breaking down many of my own. One of my favorite songs by Garage Voice talks about how we can not be hurt more than we're loved. It starts out with the following lines:

"Lord, I wanna be gracious. Let this blind man see. All my ways are follies, lead me to Calvary. I am in this struggle, Lord I still believe, on my bed I wander, help my unbelief."

When we realize the immense love of God, how he cares about the details of our lives. How he wants us to see the meaning of His Son's death, and how He wants to bring us HOME to him, to draw us close, to take down our little crappy Lego walls... THEN we can walk with our heads high in the knowledge that our meaning in life comes from HIM. Not from our own strengths or talents, or anything else we could ever accomplish.

Unfortunately, for me, it took my little brother almost dying from Crohn's disease to realize many of these things. But God... God is a God who listens, He is a God who creates life and when we are here, killing ourselves with our schedules, our ideas of what life is "supposed" to be be, with our own pleasures and vices in attempts to find rest... God is here walking with us through the valley of death and dying.

I will not fear because you are always with me Lord. I praise you for the walls you have disassembled, and I praise you for the ones you are working on.

"God is my shepherd. I won't be wanting. He makes me rest in fields of green, by quite streams...Surely goodness will follow me in the house of God forever" -Jon Foreman (Ps. 23)

Maybe this is me just talking out loud this morning... gathering my thoughts... but it was worth it.

the stress cookie...

Dear delicious cookie that I just baked at 10pm because I was stressed,

There are times when it is easier to drive people away than to let them in.

It's best not to be that way... but sometimes it happens.

The end.


"He replied, 'You of little faith, why are you so afraid?' Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm."
- Matthew 8:26

My God is bigger than my petty little fears. I needed to write this, just so I could read it and remind myself.

New Design: Thai Restaurant Menu

This is my latest design.
I've been working on building my portfolio the last few months, so this will be added to the mix.

Click on the images to make them bigger

New poster!

Finished this Friday as well: I ended up mixing art mediums for this one... painted, drew, then scanned in the lavender flowers, and took the photos before "assembling" this poster for Southern's Destiny Drama Co.

Be sure to schedule it in your calender!

Photography: Senior Portraits

These are a few of Angela's senior portraits that I took Friday. What a fun gal and great friend!

Delicioso: New recipe

Tonight I decided to have a little fun in the kitchen. While trying to use up the rest of some cauliflower I had left from a curry I'd made, a new recipe came to me. I'd love to share it with you here because I'm not a cauliflower lover, don't know how you feel about it... but I think it's the veggie many don't know what to do with. Try this delicious solution for that problem:

Garlic-Baked Cauliflower and Cilantro

Set oven to 400 degrees
Serves 2 to 4 people

Ingredients:
Olive oil
Cauliflower
onion
4 garlic cloves
chopped walnuts
sliced mushrooms
real butter
yeast flakes
chili powder
garlic powder
onion powder
salt
ground peppercorns
Cilantro
Pepper-jack cheese

1. Cover bottom of a baking pan with a light layer of olive oil
2. Cut up into small pieces half to a whole cauliflower
3. place in pan and cut up a quarter onion over the cauliflower, and also 5-6 small mushrooms, thinly sliced
4. sprinkle a handful of chopped walnuts and 4 finely chopped garlic cloves over it
5. Next, cut up thin slices of real (stick) butter, and then place evenly spaced on top of cauliflower.
6. sprinkle a light layer of yeast flakes evenly over top
7. sprinkle all with garlic and onion powder, a pinch of salt, and a dash of chili powder. I also like to grind up peppercorns and sprinkle over top.
8. place in oven and bake for 15-20 minutes, or until cauliflower is tender and onions start to caramelize. (give the cauliflower a good mix half way through baking)

9. while cauliflower is in the oven, cut up a half cup of cilantro to garnish and grater a 1/4 cup of pepper jack cheese
10. when cauliflower is done baking, garnish with the cilantro and cheese and serve.

There you have it, a delicious cauliflower entree, with a gourmet twist in 10 easy steps.

Serving suggestion: with baked eggplant and couscous

Ps: I never really measure things, so add all to taste. Someday soon when my cookbook comes out I'll have the measurements for you. Until then, Bon appetit!

new poster: GIACOMO PUCCINI

Just finished this for class... at least... I think I'm finished, for now...

"I get by with a little help from my friends..."

I just spent about 20 minutes throwing together this poster for my bro. He is on the SA team at GCA and they are apparently trying to raise money for Japan along with much of the US. You know, it never ceases to amaze me how quick young people and American people in general are to give to a good cause. I'm not saying this is bad, it just amazes me. Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like if we did a "Let's raise money for America" project... like for the national debt that we owe... I wonder where we get all the money from?

Please don't get me wrong: other countries desperately need help, and mercy, Japan needs it right now. But this just reminded me of a train of thought I had going on while in my Issues of Human Rights class the other day. I feel that sometimes, if the US would focus a bit more on solving the problems going on all around our own country, we might actually be able to better, and more EFFECTIVELY help other countries. Personally, I'd like to know what some of the problems actually ARE that we throw money at? That way, maybe we could actually come up with some solutions...

But, for now, here's another poster.

PS: I'm extremely proud of my brother. Couldn't be a better guy out there. At least, I haven't found one ;)

Family snapshots!

Families are special. Without them, each person would not be who they are. No matter how much of an individual one is, their family, and even lack of has shaped them; for good or for bad, it is our choice to show appreciation to those we love, and forgiveness to those we may feel are distant.

A few months ago, I was privileged to take some photos of my family when my mom's parents were visiting from Honduras. These are just 3 of my favorite shots.

Amazing..........

Sometimes, the waves seem bigger than the boat, the talents more than the abilities, and the journey... well... sometimes it seems to last longer than the shoes.

This week is one of those weeks.

I'm writing this as a reminder to myself that it will be ok. I've asked God for guidance, and I know that He will do just that, that He has been, and that He will continue.

Stopping to take time and listen will be the key.

In fact, knowing what I have learned about God, things will be more than ok: They're going to be amazing.


Ps: I shot the above photo last weekend while hiking with my family. (Click on it to make it bigger) The moment just spoke to me... we can often have people all around us, and yet we may personally feel lonely. Not saying that that's what this little cutie was feeling, but it just reminded me that sometimes it's important to remember that we're not alone.

It's business time

Just finished designing these: my business cards
Hope to send them to print soon.


Contact info side...


and while we're talking about business... this is hilarious:

It's All New

"As You open my eyes to the works of Your hands..."

I'm beginning a new week after a lovely break. I have so many possibilities that it is overwhelming if I attempt to look at the big picture. To take one step at a time; to place my hope in the God that has been personal, close, loving, forgiving... and yet... I feel him distant at times... when, it's only the spaces I've placed between us that create the divide.

It's funny how "Nearer my God to Thee" (the Titanic soundtrack version) is one of my favorite melodies, and yet I am a rubber band, bending, back-and-forth... closer, then away; yet my heart yearns for the nearness I sometimes experience: In the world, but not of it. To live for Christ because He lived and died for me: not an imposition or some dull requirement, but rather a privilege and a way of life, healing for our souls. This is what I desire, and I know He knows even my smallest desires.

May He break into my heart daily, crumble the walls I've built and guide me nearer to Him.

Photo: Nassau, Bahamas